Elaine vs The Volcano

Originally distributed June 2010

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If you feel like you’re having a bad day, this just might make you feel good about it after all. This is the tale of my battle with the Iceland volcano to get to the US for a visit in April-May 2010.

I was originally booked to fly out of Johannesburg on Monday night, via Munich, Germany, and arrive in DC on Wednesday morning. But because of the ash plume from the Iceland volcano, airports in Germany and neighboring European countries had been closed for days. The situation was constantly being monitored and flights were being cancelled the day of, because, after all, you never know when the winds are going to change.

Sunday – I tried to reroute my flight with South African Airways but because my flight hadn't been cancelled yet they wouldn't let me. They told me to call back at noon on Monday.  The problem with that was I was driving to Jo’burg, which is about 5hrs from Swaziland and my original flight was scheduled to depart at 8:30PM on Monday. With the unknown flight departure time of the reroute how would I know if I’d have enough time to get to the airport before the flight would take off? (Sigh)

Monday morning – The airlines were getting impatient because they were losing money. On Sunday they sent up test flights to see if the planes would be damaged by the ash from the Iceland volcano. They came back saying, “Looks good!” So then they were hounding the government to lift restrictions. Here are a couple of my favorite quotes, “"it is clear that this is not sustainable. We cannot just wait until this ash cloud dissipates." And, “We are asking the authorities to really have a good look at the situation, because 100 percent safety does not exist.” So they want to put my life in danger to make money. Thanks.

Even if it were deemed “safe,” this wouldn’t help me because my flight route was from Jo’burg to Munich, which might be ok, and then Munich to the US, heading west through the ash plume, which was not ok. So that would mean I’d fly to Munich and get stuck there. Great!

Next option, I called SAA again Monday morning. I insisted that they reroute me. They said they can’t until they hear word at noon. But I could go through the company that booked my ticket, which was Orbitz online, or go to the airport in Jo’burg and try to make changes there.

I found a phone number for Orbitz and called via Skype, because it’s much cheaper to call through the computer than through a landline. They said I had to talk to Continental, the “validating airline.” So the nice guy transferred me to Continental.

Meanwhile, my Skype credit was already down to less than $2 before I called. I tried to add credit Sunday night but there was a problem and it wouldn’t let me. Most likely the credit card company was blocking my card.

I was on hold with Orbitz for at least 30min. Then I was on hold with Continental until I almost ran out of credit. I tried adding credit again Monday morning but had the same problem. Geez!!

Then I tried the landline but it’s about $1/min, I can’t afford that! So I tried again adding credit on Skype, this time paying through Paypal. It still wouldn’t accept my credit card. Must be the credit card company. So I called the credit card company, which does have a collect call # for calls from outside the US. After waiting on hold several minutes I got through to someone and we got disconnected. You’re kidding me!! So I tried again. This time I got through sooner, and got disconnected again. I tried several more times with the same result. What the hell is going on?!?!?!

Ok! Ok! So I’m not meant to fly on Monday. I get the message, but what about Tues or Wed or Thurs?

Aside from Continental’s phone line I also tried through their website. When I got to the page where you’re supposed to make flight changes I got this message, “Continental.com is unable to initiate your flight change request at this time. Please contact Continental Reservations at 1-800-525-0280 to make changes to this Itinerary.” Groan…

Meanwhile, my roommate had gone out for a hike and come back. She has Skype as well, with money in her account. She had offered Sunday night for me to use her account if necessary. So Monday morning, it was in fact still morning, I took her up on her offer. So I called the Continental toll free # and it turns out that when you call from Skype the call really is free! So I waited on hold again. Then, while still on hold with them I called South African Airways again and this time they entertained my request to reroute. I spoke to Gerard who was really nice but not so competent. After about 45 minutes he had found a flight for me through Buenos Aires, my suggestion, but he couldn’t complete the booking. He asked if he could call me back or if I could call him back so he wouldn’t keep me on hold. Fine. So we hung up.

About an hour later with no call back, I called again. Now keep in mind all this time I was still on hold with Continental in the US. Yes, still on hold! So I called SAA again and of course got a different person on the line. “Can I please be transferred to Gerard?” “I don’t know Gerard, but I’m sure I can help you.” “Thank you for the offer but I’ve spent about 45min on the phone with him and he was completing a change for me and I’d really just like to finish up with him so I don’t have to wait all over again.” “I’ll be fast. I’m sure I can help you.” “Fine.” So Boy did. Yes, his name is Boy. And he was fast. He made the routing change for me. His speed and ability showed just how incapable poor Gerard was.

Once I had changed my flight with Boy, he said to call back Tues morning just to confirm that the flight change had been made in the system. I then disconnected the call to Continental, having been on hold with them for 2 ½ hours without ever speaking to a person. So between the first call to Continental and the 2^nd I spent a total of 3.5hrs on hold and never got connected to anyone. Nice.

But the story doesn’t end there. It just keeps getting better. My newly rerouted flight was to depart from Jo’burg at 10AM on Wed, connect in Buenos Aires and get me into DC on Thurs morning. This meant I had to go to Jo’burg Tues and spend the night in order to get to the airport on time for my flight.

I’ve been planning to buy a caravan and live in it since late last year. You can only find new/used caravan dealers in SA. So I figured I’d make the most of my journey and stop at caravan dealers on the way to Jo’burg. But before I left I had to call the airlines one last time and reconfirm my flight change. The folks at SAA told me I’d have to contact the “validating” airline, Continental, and confirm with them. Really?! Well, you remember how far I got with them the day before. So before I left the house to drive off for Jo’burg, I sent an urgent email to my mom to please check that my flight had in fact been changed. Maybe she’d have better luck getting someone to answer the phone!

On the way to Jo’burg I stopped in a town called Ermelo, where they have a caravan place. It’s small and the guy said they didn’t have any 2^nd hands in stock, so he was trying to steer me toward a tiny new caravan instead, saying the larger models would  be “too big for” me. Oh boy. Mr Man, are you trying to decide for me? Not a good move on your part. Thank you, but you won’t be getting my business. Off I went to continue on my trek to Jo’burg.

But there was a slight problem. I was on the N17 and I needed to stay on the N17 heading west, but there were no signs pointing me in that direction. There was the N11 going north and south toward towns I didn’t know, and the N17 going back east, of course. But no N17 going west. Ok…

So I took the N11 due south. First I hit construction stops. In this neck of the woods when they’re doing highway renovations, on 2 lane roads, they close one lane for several km stretches at a time and allow for alternating 1-way traffic. You’re wait time can be up to 45min before your side gets a chance to go. So you pull up and park. And wait, and wait. I hit 3 of these. Joy. Because I had spent the morning making phone calls to the airlines and sending urgent emails, I didn’t leave the house until 12PM. And, because we were heading toward winter, the days were getting shorter and the sun was setting before 6PM. It’s a 5hr drive from Swaziland to SA. They say “Don’t drive in Jo’burg at night” and if you can help it, don’t drive in SA at night. Ok, will do, if I can help it. These construction stops weren’t helping at all.

Because I lost track of the N17 in Ermelo, I meandered north and south in a westerly direction blindly trying to make my way to Jo’burg. No, I didn’t have a map. Stupid, I know. Don’t remind me. I stopped in some small, one-stop-sign town to ask how the heck to get to Jo’burg from there and the guy told me go to this town, then go to that town, then head toward that town, then follow the signs to Jo’burg. Ok… Needless to say, it was dark when I was still at least an hour away. But as the sun set there were swarms of bugs, all of which smashed on my windshield. It sounded like a rainstorm, there were so many bugs pelting my windshield. That reduced my visibility nearly to nil. Then oncoming vehicles had their brights on so I was blinded and couldn’t see the signs through the smear on the glass. I think I was having fun at this point.

I had booked a bed in a hostel in Jo’burg and had written directions down coming from my intended direction. But was I coming from my intended direction now? No. Once I got into the vicinity of Jo’burg everything turned to highways, American style multi-lane divided highways. I followed the signs to Jo’burg until I started seeing signs for Pretoria. I could tell by the skyscrapers I was well into the city by the time I took an exit. Now what? The exit took me into dark, deserted, scary, downtown Jo’burg. Because of the crime rate people are allowed to run red lights at night, especially women. Ok, taking advantage of that loophole!! I was in an area where every intersection had a traffic light. I carried on straight until, by a miracle I saw a tiny green sign mounted on a pole with the route number that would go to my hostel, the R24, and an arrow pointing in the right direction. Halleluja! What luck!

By this time it was 7:30PM. I turned on the R24 and called the hostel to ask how to get there from where I was. The guy had no clue so he told me to stop at a gas station and ask for directions. Ok, stop my car in Jo’burg, at night… and get out of my car, in Jo’burg, at night, as a single woman. No, I’m not scared at all. Why should I be scared?

I quickly found a gas station and a lady customer there, at the gas station shop (yes, they have convenience stores at the gas stations, just like they do in the US) told me just keep going straight for several km. The road will change names but just stay straight. Ok!

So I followed her directions and all the way down the R24 it was like a city or suburban street with stop signs and intersections. After several km I started looking for my turn. I got to an intersection where I couldn’t see the name of the cross street. Of course, as the light turned green and I went through the intersection I saw that it was in fact my turn. No problem. When I get to the next intersection I’ll turn around. Except there was no next intersection. Right after that one it turned into a highway. I’m not kidding. My heart sank. So I drove on the R24 highway until it came to another highway. I exited onto that highway, except in the wrong direction. Instead of taking the exit that would cross over the R24 I took the opposite direction that went away from it. Then I had to exit off of that one. Luckily that was onto a street so I was able to cross over the highway and get back on it going back toward the R24. When I got to my R24 exit the ramp was blocked by concrete barriers. I’m not kidding. I wanted to shoot myself. So I carried on to the next exit.

By this time, after 8PM, in a haze of frustration and exhaustion, I ended up off the highway and knowing I was somewhere in the vicinity of the hostel. But otherwise, completely lost.

During this time, my mom called and said she spoke to Continental. They said I needed to cancel my flight and rebook. Are you kidding me?!! No way!! No way! A new ticket the day before a flight from Africa to the US will cost $4,000, at least!! I exploded. My poor mom. Thank God she knows how to handle me. She let me rant and rave and scream and curse without ever saying “Calm down,” “it’ll be ok” or any of those other nonsense phrases that she knows won’t make any difference to my temper. She managed to remain calm and sane while I exploded. I seriously wanted to tear my hair out at this point. I had been through so much and now I was lost in Jo’burg so I could fly home the next morning and Continental was telling me “You should’ve just stayed home because we’re not giving you your flight”? That’s why people go postal. So I told my mom to call them back and tell them “no way, they have to reroute my flight.”

Now a sobbing mess, I was pulled over in front of some restaurant. I went inside, not caring one iota that I looked like I had just seen a train wreck, and asked for directions. The waitress kindly ignored my state and pointed me in the right direction. Then I had to stop at a gas station to get further directions. Finally, at 9PM I arrived at the hostel. I had managed to pull myself together enough to get there, but once I was there I fell apart again. I couldn’t go inside. I stood on the balcony and cried. I was so exhausted and frustrated and frazzled that’s all I could do.

The hostel manager on duty, Lechelle, came outside and put her arm around me as if she had been my best friend for years. She offered me a cup of tea. It was the best cup of tea I’ve ever had. And it helped a lot. Once somewhat calm again I checked in and got settled. My mom called back at 10PM and explained that she had spoken to someone at Orbitz. That lady said they had my flight booked to Buenos Aires. And then? There is no “and then.” My mom said, “She’s not going to Buenos Aires. She’s coming home!” So after at least 1/2 hr on the phone with her, my mom got that straightened out and told me she finally had my flight fully rerouted through Buenos Aires to DC. Whew!

I went to bed that night and slept with the dead. I needed it. My flights got me through to DC without further incident, thank goodness! At least 1/3 of the people flying at that time were also battling the volcano and had horror stories of their own. I know my situation could’ve been worse and you’ll probably be surprised to hear that I am grateful for what it was. At least I was stuck at home.

Once on US soil, my mom confided that in the wee hours of the African morning, she got on the phone one last time with Continental, around 7PM east coast time, to confirm that my flight was changed. Little did I know, I slept like a baby. Thanks Mom!