Surrender

The school year in Swaziland runs January-December. So the 2012 school year started in January. At the first teachers meeting, the teacher leading it had us take turns sharing one word that sums up what we would like most for 2012. My word was “stability.”

Hmm, I’m not so sure I got that, but hopefully I did learn a life lesson this year. I say hopefully because maybe I’m wrong and I still haven’t learned, in which case Life is preparing another go-round of this lesson for me right now. Joy.

So what I think I learned this year is another word that starts with “s” and that is surrender. For those of you who looked at my post about registering the caravan (Oh Snap!), this one has to do with that. Yeah, it still ain’t over! After I got the caravan registered here, which entailed paying VAT (like sales tax) for it in Swaziland, I had to get a VAT refund from South Africa. Since VAT is 14% in SA and SD (Swaziland) we’re talking about a refund of over $1,000. That’s a whole plane ticket home. Needless to say, I needed that refund.

I submitted all the paperwork for the refund in early May and then waited, and waited, and waited some more. Finally in early Oct the SA VAT refund office called me telling me to pick up my check. Yay! Happy days.

Ha! Not so fast. I picked up the check and it was for 25% of the total they owed me. What?! This must be some kind of mistake. Someone in SA must’ve made an error somehow. So I pursued it. They proceeded to thwart me at every turn and claim that there was no mistake and that’s what I was owed. I went to an accountant. He said it was indeed wrong as far as he knew. He referred me to a fellow accountant who works for a major car company, so they’re constantly dealing with imports and VAT refunds. He too said somebody was taking chances and that they need to refund the full amount.

Well, $40 worth of phone calls to SA, trips to the border, the SD Revenue Authority and the VAT refund office, tears, and a few sleepless nights later, I still have gotten  NOWHERE …except further into a financial hole. And the whole affair has been topped off by not being able to deposit the check I do have. See the things is it expired on Xmas day. Merry Xmas! A few days before it expired I took it to the bank where I have a savings account and they told me that I can’t deposit checks into the savings account. I have to open a checking account, and of course the checking acct incurs fees, lots of them. So totally exasperated and at my wits end, it took all my self control not to rip up the check and toss it on the floor.

Did you hear the one about my stuff being held up for extortionate customs duty then the stuff got stolen from my luggage? Ha, ha! That’s a good one (alluded to in Losing Streak). And that’s the memory that came snapping back into sharp focus and made me realize that all of this nonsense is not worth it. What I need more than the money is peace. I need peace. And in order to find peace, I must surrender.

Ignorance is bliss. Forgetfulness is the next best thing.

The Will of the Dead

2^nd Iron Ore Truck Crashes Into Goldblatt’s

It's taken me a while to post this because I was fact-checking first. There’s been an interesting pattern of events going on here this year. On the only stretch of 4 lane divided highway in the country, there’s a steep and winding section that can be pretty treacherous. Eighteen-wheelers use it as well because it’s the only thoroughfare between the two major cities in the country, and it’s the route to the nearest border with South Africa from the capital.

The old iron ore mine was reopened late last year and trucks have been carrying their payload down the mountain to a town with a working railway line that then carries it out of the country and off to Asia for processing. So it’s currently being exported as raw iron ore dust.

In only 6 months 7-8 of these trucks have crashed on the mountain and spilled their load all over the place. Months later, the roads and median walls are still stained red. Miraculously, none of the drivers, nor anyone else, have been seriously injured in these accidents. One puzzling detail is that in this same period there have been close to zero accidents involving other large trucks. So what’s going on here?

For those who believe in these types of things, there is a hypothesis circulating that this odd series of events has something to do with the late King Sobhuza II’s proclamation before his death that no more iron ore would leave Swaziland unprocessed. Clearly, his desire then was that if the mine were to reopen the ore would be processed in-country, thereby providing more jobs and keeping more profits in-country as well. With the onset of these accidents where nobody is hurt but the iron ore is spilled all over the surrounding area, and no other large trucks are crashing, it makes one wonder.

Footnote: I drove by the most recent accident on June 18^th after it had happened, but my car was not passing by when the photo was taken. It was a matter of time to witness one of these firsthand.

Five Iron Ore Trucks in Malagwane Pile-up

Iron Ore Truck Crashes Into Goldblatt’s

Gifts from mysterious sources

Raise your hand if you’ve ever had a pet cat and the cat gave you a mouse, bird, lizard, etc as a present. Ok, I can’t see you raising your hand but I trust that you are.

While house-sitting for a friend recently, her utterly adorable and loving cat brought me a small agama—a type of common spiny lizard here. I was in the kitchen at the sink when I saw him walk in with something in his mouth. He passed behind me then set it down on the rug next me. I bent down and scooped it up. It was still very much alive so I didn’t examine it for injuries, since it had already been stressed enough, but just put it outside in a safe place to go hide.

Several questions came to mind that will remain unanswered unless someone develops the ability to read cats’ minds. But here they are anyway. Did the cat catch the lizard and bring it to me to show it off? Was he bragging in a cat way about what a great hunter he is? Was he really offering it to me as a gift? If so, did he catch the lizard and then decide to give it to me or did he decide he wanted to give me something and then catch the lizard? That’s my favorite scenario. He thought of me and decided to give me a gift to show how much he loves me. And men wonder why women tend to like cats so much.

Dollars Incense

 

In between my hair-raising and hair-pulling adventures, I do a lot of reading. Actually, I try to read while waiting in line, too. It’s one of the easiest ways to multi-task.

I just read a really thought-provoking article, "If the GDP Is Up, Why Is America Down?" published in 1995, and I think it will resonate with most Americans. If nothing else it has helped me finally be able to articulate why I hate Christmas and, more broadly, why I find America to be so miserable despite all the great things it has going for it.

I’ve read a few books recently about economics, and at various points the authors claim that painful or damaging activities and events are ok or possibly even good for us, but my gut rejects these assertions. For example, the authors insist that, in the big picture, job losses in one’s home country due to company relocation overseas is actually good in the long run. But the little voice in my head kept saying, “no, it’s not!” Now I understand why. These economists’/authors’ rationale is entirely based on the current measure of GDP, which as this article explains does not value the social fabric of society nor environmental goods and services that are being destroyed at an ever increasing rate in the never-ending pursuit of economic growth.

“The GDP is simply a gross measure of market activity, of money changing hands. It makes no distinction whatsoever between the desirable and the undesirable, or costs and gain. … As a result the GDP not only masks the breakdown of the social structure and the natural habitat upon which the economy--and life itself--ultimately depend; worse, it actually portrays such breakdown as economic gain.” Emphasis added.

The article goes on to pose such questions as “Is there a difference between mere monetary transactions and a genuine addition to a nation's well being?” I think there is. Do you?

In my humble opinion, the obesity, depression, and prescription drug use rates in America are indicators that something fundamental is wrong. Haven’t you ever wondered why poor countries are consistently rated as happier than many wealthy countries? By realizing how GDP is measured, where “only transactions involving money … count in the national reckoning” and accepting that wealthy countries have made sacrifices to achieve “developed” status, it suddenly makes sense. Poor countries haven’t destroyed their environmental and social foundations yet.

Now let me offer one tiny anecdote. I was at a small dinner party the other night, celebrating a friend’s birthday. There were 9 adults present all under the age of 50. It struck me later that during the course of the evening nobody made or answered a single cell phone call. Nobody sent or read any text messages. Nobody went on Facebook or anywhere else on the world wide web. And we hung out for several hours. I would venture to say this would be unprecedented in America in this day and age. Yes, all our cell phones were on, had coverage and battery life, and we all had friends and loved ones who were not present. Yet we did not feel the need to communicate with anyone who wasn’t there.

After this realization, I will no longer complain about the exorbitant calling and texting rates in Swaziland because at the end of the day it ensures that people continue to do more talking face-to-face. We use our phones to get together and then have conversations in person. The results? Well, no matter how stressed out I’ve been about things here, every time I visit the US everyone says they have never seen me so happy and relaxed. And no, it's not because I'm back in the US.

I just want to add one more quote from the article for you to think about. Two major categories have been excluded from the measure of GDP, “the functions of family and community on the one hand, and the natural habitat on the other. Both are crucial to economic well-being. But because the services they perform are outside the price system, they have been invisible in our national accounting.”

What impact has this had on your social life, your well-being and your health? If you’d like to read the whole article, the link is available at the bottom of the page.

Oh Snap!

That expression makes me laugh. What a throwback!

Here I describe in excruciating detail my epic journey in the quest to get my caravan registered in Swaziland in my name. Until now, it was registered in South Africa under the dealer’s name where I had bought it. When the day finally comes that I need to sell it, I need it in my name.

The outline is probably more for my own records and sense of accomplishment than for your edification. By skimming the lists you’ll get an idea of just how arduous and time consuming an endeavor it was. It counts as much more than a task. Each step was a task, and a monumental patience-builder.

The title and registration process was combined with taking it to a caravan dealer in SA to get some repairs and maintenance done. I was going to have to take it to the border anyway so why not combine the two? This is not a loaded question, by the way, it’s just pointing out practicalities…in a part of the world filled with impracticality.

For the title and registration, I already had the following papers from the dealers:

1.         original title

2.         roadworthiness certificate in SA (valid for only 60 days), so it was expired

3.         change of ownership application

4.         SA registration application

5.         tax invoice (like proof of purchase/receipt but only good for 90 days, so also expired)

In order to get them transferred to my name, I needed:

1.         a special permit to transport the caravan to SA to get the police clearance – E50, only good for 24hrs

2.         a police clearance certificate from SA (valid for 90 days)

3.         a new tax invoice from the dealer in SA (I didn’t know at first)

4.         a customs clearance form for SA –E5 or E150 depending…

5.         a personal tax clearance certificate in Swaziland (SD) saying I don’t owe taxes - good for 30 days

6.         a change of registration form from SD Revenue

7.         an IM8 doc for SD customs clearance – E35

8.         an IM4 doc for SD customs clearance – E35

9.         a customs certificate from SD, proving I had paid the tax on the caravan on the SD side

10.     a police clearance certificate from SD - E50

11.     a roadworthiness certificate from SD - E35 (valid for 21 days)

I began the process in early February, first trying to find out how I get the SA police clearance certificate. Some people, including the police in SD, told me I’d have to go all the way to Joburg, a 5hr drive 1-way. Others told me I could go to a town called Carolina only 1.5hrs away. Finally I ended up visiting the SA police at the border to get to the truth. An officer there told me that, because this should’ve been done so long ago but others failed me (his exact words), they’d provide a letter to the police in Carolina requesting that they issue me the certificate.

So on February 23^rd I went to SD Revenue and got a special permit to transport the caravan (doc 1), then on the 24^th I took it to SA, got the letter at the border, gave it to the police in Carolina along with the other docs, and got the certificate (doc 2). But here were the steps in Carolina:

2.1      go to the police station with your documents

2.2      go to the licensing office on the other end of town and get a form

2.3      take the form back to the police station, have it filled out, the police check the chassis # to  make sure it’s authentic, run the chassis # to make sure it wasn’t stolen, issue you the police clearance

2.4      walk back to the licensing office and give them the form

2.5      Congratulations! You’re finally done with this step…3hrs later

From there, I drove the caravan to the dealer where it stayed for about a month to get things fixed. Meanwhile, I got my tax clearance certificate (doc 5) and the SD registration application form (doc 6).

Once the caravan was fixed the saga continued. I picked it up on March 22^nd and was all set to clear customs at the border. Screeeech! Halt right there! This is when I learned that tax invoices expire after 90 days. What?! Sigh. Ok (head hanging low).

First thing when I got home that night I emailed the dealer in Joburg  where I purchased it and requested a new tax invoice. Once the guy checked that it was legal to do so, he emailed me a scanned copy a week later (doc 3). Because the quality of the image was so grainy, I printed 3-4 copies, trying to improve the quality. This turned out to be fortuitous later.

The next day that I had free to tackle this monster was April 3^rd. The day before I had gone to a place just outside of town to get the SA customs clearance form (doc 4). At the border they wanted to charge me E150 ($20) for the form and to fill it out for me (because you need all sorts of codes and it’s really confusing). Luckily I had a form from way, way back when I first bought the caravan and tried to clear customs. So I just needed the form. They charged me E5 ($0.80) for it. On April 3rd I hitched up the caravan and drove it back to the border just to clear customs (doc 7). You can’t dwell on the irritation or you’ll shorten your life span. Here’s what happened there:

SA side:

7.1      Customs counter guy did the paper work

7.2      Other guy came out and verified chassis # then sent me on my way, “you can go.” Hurray!

SD side:

Chaos – they’ve just instituted Valued Added Tax (VAT) replacing the old sales tax and there are about 75 people at Customs, mostly truck drivers with mile-long lists of cargo waiting since 7AM to finish! OMG!! Yay.

7.3      Main customs desk assigned me a 6 digit number and told me to go to Counter 3 behind me

7.4      Counter 3 lady told me “no, go back to the main counter.”

7.5      While waiting at the main counter I realized my SA police clearance certificate needed one more stamp from the SA police so I walked back across the border with no issues and got the stamp after convincing the cop that 3 SA cops have already verified the chassis #. Trust me! It’s fine! Just gimme the stamp!

7.6      Got back in line in SD, people save your place for you here

7.7      Got the attention of one of the staff and told him I’m just clearing a caravan. He sent me to the Road Tax desk

7.8      Road Tax lady told me to go to Counter 3 to get an IM8 form. “But she told me to go to the main counter!” “Tell her you need an IM8 form.” Ok

7.9      Counter 3 lady sent me to unnumbered counter where I got the form

7.10  Sent back to Counter 3 to pay a fee

7.11  Sent back to main counter again to wait some more

7.12  Finally got to a processing agent and she told me she’d pass me off to her colleague who was away for lunch

7.13  Magically my papers were whisked away and I was again redirected to the road tax lady

7.14  Road tax lady processed my paperwork and sent me on my way

7.15  Congratulations! You’re done with the border, 3.5hrs later…you’re also very annoyed, dehydrated, starving and need a bathroom.

After fuming in the car and eating something, I mustered the strength to martial on with further steps since I still had the whole afternoon! The next step was paying 14% of the value on the SD side. Here was the process:

8.1      First stop was the main Swaziland Revenue Authority (SRA) building.

8.2      Sent to Customs in the Ministry Maze. It really is a maze. I’m not sure why they built it that way. It has all kinds of corridors and dead ends, exits that aren’t really exits, stairways you can’t access, etc

8.3      Sent to Room 42 in the SRA dept

8.4      Sent to Room 21 to get form IM4 (doc 8), my name wasn’t in the system yet.

8.5      Sent to Room 16 to be entered into the system

8.6      Back to Room 21 to get the IM4

9.1      Back to Room 42 to process the paperwork

9.2      To the bank at the shopping plaza to get the rest of the 14% payment

9.3      Back to Room 42

9.4      To the payment counter

9.5      Back to Room 42

9.6      Congratulations! You’ve received your SD customs clearance certificate (doc 9) and it only took 2.5hours!

Since it was the end of the work day I took the caravan back to its temporary resting place to await the next free day to continue the process.

On Thursday, April 5^th I went to Revenue and paid E50 then once again hitched up the caravan and this time hauled it to the Police Service Center. Screeeech! Halt! Don’t you know it’s the day before a 4 day holiday weekend (Good Friday and Easter Monday), so people get off before NOON around here? You can’t do anything today silly, silly girl.

I snapped. Luckily I made it to the car before I snapped. I was enraged. Screaming. Crying with frustration. It was ugly. Once I got it out of my system and accepted the fact that I had hit an impenetrable wall and I would just have to accept my fate that the whole rest of the day nothing would get done, indeed until the following week, I was able to enjoy the rest of a truly beautiful day.

April 10^th I hitched up the caravan for the umpteenth time and took it back to the Police Services Center for doc 10. Here’s what happened this time:

10.1   Handed over my documents

10.2   Told to wait in the hallway

10.3   Went with two cops to the caravan to verify the chassis #

10.4   Back to office to wait for police clearance certificate

10.5   Congratulations! You just tallied another 3hrs to get that piece of paper!

The next stop was the CTA in Matsapha, about 30min away, to get the roadworthiness certificate (doc 11). I don’t even know what CTA stands for, but at least I know where it is. From the tales I’ve heard, it’s a mission just to figure that out! By the way, the cops at the Police Service Center had previously told me I wouldn’t have to do this step, then on the 10^th, they told me I did. You gotta love it.

At the CTA I got a form in duplicate, filled it out, paid a fee, had a guy walk around the caravan and confirm with me orally that the lights and brakes work. He didn’t actually check. Nice. Then I took the papers to an office where I got the roadworthiness certificate. This was all very fast, thankfully, but a huge waste of time and gas to get there and back to Mbabane where all the other stops were.

Last stop: Revenue, again, this time to turn in all my documents, pay a fee, and finally get the new title and registration. I waited in line for over an hour. Joy.

By the time I took all of my documents to Revenue for this step I had 12 documents (+ list of orig docs – a few from new list along the way). This does not include the copies that were made and collected at each step plus the forms I had to fill in, sometimes with 2-3 duplicates, at each step. I’ve definitively determined after this process that Swazis hate trees. They are tree haters. There is no way you can use that much paper and call yourself conservation-minded or a tree-hugger. It was appalling. And never mind the fuel I used or, in some cases, wasted in this whole convoluted process.

To summarize some of the repetition for you, I had to go to:

Revenue 4 times

1.      for the special permit to drive it to SA

2.      to get the registration form

3.      to pay E50 for the police clearance

4.      to pay E220 for the title and registration

the Police Service Center 5 times

1.      to find out how to get the SA police clearance certificate (was misinformed there)

2.      to find out the steps for getting the caravan registered in SD (slightly misinformed again)

3.      to get the SD police clearance (was turned away because it was the day before the Easter weekend)

4.      to find out if they were back to work before hauling my caravan there again for NOTHING (but I’m not bitter)

5.      to get the SD police clearance

the SD/SA Border 4 times

1.      to get definitive information on where to get the SA police clearance certificate

2.      to get the police clearance certificate

3.      to clear customs (learned tax invoice was expired)

4.      to clear customs

While I was doing all this I was also moving from Ezulwini Valley to Pine Valley. In the interim, I house-sat for 3 different people and also spent the night at 2 additional locations, one for work and one while in limbo. So if you combine that with the old and new locations of my own home, between Feb 15 and Apr 17 I stayed in 7 different places. No wonder sometimes I woke up and needed a minute to figure out where I was. No joke! It’s a strange feeling to open your eyes in the morning and expect your surroundings to look totally different than they actually do. But then, those of you who have passed out from a night of inebriation have probably had similar experiences. I think this underscores one reason I don’t drink alcohol. I find other ways to be dazed and confused.

Photojournalism

Originally distributed June 2011

Since I wrote this (below), there was breaking news about the first rhino poached in Swaziland in almost 20 years. Devastating and sad, to say the least. It has been in the papers ever since the incident on June 4^th. I don’t know if it made international news. Chances are it didn’t, which is why I’m notifying you. Luckily suspects have been apprehended and have had their preliminary court hearing. Hopefully, this will let the international organized crime ring behind them know that they can’t get away with this here. Meanwhile, rhino poaching in South Africa has been escalating and 333 rhinos were poached in 2010 alone. That’s almost 1/day! Gruesome photo (you’ve been warned!)

~~~~~~

I’ve uploaded new photos and figured I should provide some commentary to explain some of them. Some, however, I have no explanation for like the various animals that approached the windows to look inside and/or admire their reflections on the same day! Was something in the air?

If you’ve looked at photos already from earlier in the year then you’ve seen a tan Peruvian lady and her French husband, good friends of mine who moved away in May. Until then we enjoyed lots of hikes and other activities, culminating in their farewell party April 30^th. There was another big farewell party in May for several expats, which coincided with Judgment Day. So to celebrate the rapture some friends put together quite an extravaganza.

The wildlife continues to amaze and astound, including a spate of frogs in my house and car, all appearing to be the same species and age (same size). But what has really amazed me and provoked admiration is a juvenile female vervet monkey. I noticed her for the first time in February when she had a grotesquely mangled right arm. It was black and furless from her fingertips to halfway up her upper arm. As I watched her with binoculars, backlit by the afternoon sun, I saw light passing through between her bones. And the mangled part was frozen into position--slightly curled fingers, drooping wrist and a 90* bend in the elbow. She limped about, just keeping up with the rest of the troupe, and understandably appeared to be in pain though her body condition otherwise looked fine.

I wondered about her in the following weeks, puzzling over what caused the injury and what became of her. I figured she probably suffered from a dry snake bite by one of the types that has cytotoxic venom like a puff adder. This dissolved the tissue in the region of the bite. But, being a dry bite, she didn’t get much venom so it didn’t kill her. That’s my hypothesis anyway.

Eventually she resurfaced, this time with three healthy limbs and one stump. But she was getting around fantastically, as if she were born that way. She ran and climbed and kept up with the others with no trouble. I was ebullient. She was alive and well! Since then I’ve seen her too many times to count. Now, thanks to her, I can always recognize her group and I now know that this group hangs out in and around the rest camp where I live. I call her my hero because she survived a terrible injury with no doctors, no antibiotics, no pain killers, and no surgery. The epitome of triumph over tragedy.

Thought and Perspective - Part II

Originally distributed May 2011

Wow, this is the most “replied to” message so far. Either it was the threat or the opportunity to participate. Whatever the motivation, it has been fun getting your responses! Hours of laughter and, occasionally, puzzlement. Most of you would make good teammates for this game, but a few of you I think would be a little too esoteric for my brain. For those of you who tried to guess what my African students said, nice try.

I’ve done some stats, can’t help it with a science background. But don’t worry, there are no p-values or confidence intervals. It’s more like sports stats. Then I’ve included all of your answers in the order I received them. I separated people’s responses by semicolons (;) so if you put semicolons I removed them. I didn’t change anything else.

Your responses

Key word (number of times given)

Saddle – horse (45)

Money – currency (8), buy (16), coins (9), pay/payment (9)

River – water (35), flow/flows/flowing/overflowing (16)

Saddle - the leather seat you put on a horse to help you stay on; made of cow; what you sit on when you ride a horse; what you put on an animal (e.g. horse) to sit on if you are
not riding bareback; the thing you put on the back of a horse so you can ride it, usually made of leather; horse seat, horseback cushion; leather, horseback riding; a device strapped to a horse’s back and designed to safely allow you to hold to and comfort your butt while sitting/riding on it; leather horse accessory, it holds the rider, it attaches the stirrup; seat you put on a horse; it's on a horse, you sit on it while you ride the horse; something you put on a horse to ride so you won't fall off; item used to sit on a horse with, as a verb - what you do to get the horse ready to ride; seat for a horse, donkey or camel that a person would ride on; horse riding, sit on the horse, leather seats for cowboys; what you sit on to ride a horse (or donkey?); horse, leather, blanket, bridle; 1) beneath the rider 2) strapped to the back of the horse 3) leather travel seat; leather seat for sitting on a horse; something you put on a horse before you ride it. The seat for riding a horse; horse; Well we're in Hawaii, I'd ask what road do you need to drive up to get to Mauna Kea. If they don't get Saddle Road, then I'd say... cowboys put this on horses to sit on; a seat on a horse; horse; leather seat with stirrups for riding a horse; a seat you put on the back of a horse or donkey; horse, sit; to be restricted or burdened, a butt protector when riding a horse, an accessory for cowboys; this is equipment made of leather that you put on a horse so that you can sit atop it; the leather seat where people sit on a horse or a bicycle or a motorcycle; _______ is to horse as seat is to car; what a person puts on a horse to ride; horse, seat, leather; horse, rider, leather seat; used to ride a horse, leather, seat on horse; horse seat; horse; what you put on a horse so you can ride it; horse, ride, leather; what you sit on to ride a horse

Money - currency you use in exchange for goods and services; green; what you use to buy things; currency, used to buy products or services, form of payment; the paper that we use to buy stuff; coin, dollar, peso, pound, euro, currency; purchase, buy things, coins; a medium of exchange used to buy and sells goods and services, kinda like bartering. Also used for excessive Western material things like cars and other stupid stuff we don’t need! banks hold this; it can be paper or metal; what you use to buy things; paper and coins, you can trade it for other things, it is valuable; something you use to pay for things such as food or rent; generic term used for item you would use to buy stuff with, name for the item that changes hands in a financial transaction; the manner in which you pay for things or get paid for work done.  Can be paper, coins or could be goods you would trade for services or other things; buy and sell, paper and coins; what you work to earn and use to buy; coin, dollar; 1) unit of exchange 2) that which doesn't buy happiness 3) coins and bills; what you use to make payments, to buy something; currency, thing you use to buy stuff; coins; a million dollars is a lot of what? As a grad student, it was hard to pay rent because we didn't earn a lot of...; the root of all EVIL; gold; currency, name of the local currency [Emalangeni – say that 5 times fast]; coin of the realm; what everyone needs to buy what one requires; cash, pay; something to be exchanged for goods or services, what Michelle Bachmann feels federal government employees have too much of, something you use to gain superficial friends; another name for currency; what you use to pay for the things you wish to buy; _______, yuan, dollar, kroner; used to buy things; dollars, cents, moola; coins, bills, legal tender; currency, bills and coins, used to pay for goods; cash; cash; how you pay for things; wealth, coins, rich; what you earn by working and what you use to buy things

River - a large stream; crocodile; flowing water that sometimes has fish in it and is big enough for boats; channel of water; a skinny body of water that flows from one water source to another, bigger than a stream and since you’re in Africa, the Nile; water, lake ocean, Nile, Mississippi, Amazon, Colorado, Yangtze; waterway, rolling, canoeing; one of nature’s natural ecological wonders of water. Full of varying bacteria, biological wonderment, fish and a cool playground for humans in hot weather (aka water parks); what do the Mississippi, Yangtze,  Amazon, and Nile all  have in common; line of water flowing over land towards the sea; snake of water, runs through the ground, you can ride a boat on it or swim in it; large body of water that follows a regular path but sometimes overflows its banks; name for water flowing through the landscape, name for water course in a landscape; the water that runs down a mountain, water that moves into or out of a lake, fish can live in this, where you wash your clothes [someone’s trying to guess the African answer, they’re still way off]; water, Mekong, Nile, Mississippi; the path water takes to reach the ocean; flowing water, big stream, rapids; 1) rain's route to the sea 2) larger than a stream 3) flowing water; flowing water, like the Nile; a large stream of water; water; Waterway bigger than a stream. The Nile. Cry me a...; a place where gambling boats travel; water; big stream, name of a local river; the place of running water where you go to bathe or fish or think; water, flowing, outside; too many overflowing their banks in the Midwest and too few in southern Arizona, a place to go canoeing, a source of drinking water; a flowing current, usually water, contained within a channel or embankment; a flowing body of water contained within banks that provides for drinking, washing, and nourishing crops; _______ big stream to ocean; where hippos hang about; flowing, water, Nile, Mississippi; stream, Nile, Niger, Congo, Amazon, flood, blindness; water flows, big creek, not lake but...; stream; water; body of water that flows, example the Potomac; water, long, Amazon, Nile; a long flowing body of water

Their responses (I swear I am not making this up or leaving anything out)

Saddle – something you sit on to be more comfortable…

            Guesses- a seat, a cushion

…something you sit on to be more comfortable when you’re in motion

            My favorite guess – wheelchair! (I’m still laughing about it. He had to give many more clues until they guessed but he never said “horse” or any other animal)

Money – the reason we are all here at Mlilwane (the park where I’m teaching them)

            They guessed it right away (I was really surprised!)

River – a furrow, the first ditch made by God (he had to give many more clues until they guessed it but he never said “water” or mentioned anything that lives in water)

Thought and Perspective - Part I

This would’ve been really cool to do on the blog because it has a polling feature. So you could’ve entered your answers there. I guess I’ll have to come up with a new poll and try it out.

Originally distributed May 2011

This one is going to be interactive, and here’s why. I’ve been teaching English to the guides at the park where I’ve been staying since last June. One of the activities I did with them last week was playing a game where I gave one of them a word and he had to describe it for his classmates until they could guess it. I was really surprised by what they did and did not say.

In pretty much every case I would’ve given different clues, clues that to me would’ve been more obvious. But then isn’t that one of the hallmark differences between African and western, or at least American, cultures? Westerners/Americans tend to be direct while Africans are quite indirect.

So here are a few of the words I gave them and I want you to reply with the words and phrases you would use if you were playing a game where you had to get your teammates to guess it. Nothing is out of bounds except for the word itself. After I get your replies, I’ll tell you what my students said.

Saddle

Money

River

My Car Has Worms

Originally distributed March 2011

Before we get to the worms, I had an unplanned test of my car alarm recently. It has sensors mounted on the dash below the temperature controls pointing into the cabin of the car. Luckily I was there when it happened so I could shut it off.

I was outside my place eating breakfast when all of a sudden the alarm started blaring! This has never happened before so it must’ve been triggered by something. I put my food down, got the keychain, and pushed the button to silence it. That also unlocked the doors.

I opened the passenger door and found the source of the alarm going off. A gecko was trying to steal my car! It was on the gear shift and everything. I tried to catch the thief but it ran into the whatchacallit space below the dash on the passenger side. Ok, buddy. You’re on your own now to find your way out. I hope it did. I’m sure my brother can share tales of finding critters flattened in the inner workings of people’s vehicles.

Now, about the worms. It’s the tail-end of the rainy season here, which means we’re still getting periodic rain showers and the dirt roads turn to mud. Since I drive up and down these dirt roads everyday to and from home, I don’t bother washing my car. This leaves a sprinkling of mud balls on the car, mostly on the runners/floorboards (things short people step on to climb into the car). But yesterday I noticed one in a strange place, and it was smooth unlike the others. It was just below the handle on the passenger door of the car. I found a stick and proceeded to chip it off. To my surprise, a layer chipped off and revealed a bright green scaly ball inside, and it moved! What the heck is that?!! 

I cautiously leaned in to get a closer look. Maybe it’s a baby venomous snake after all. I dunno! I had never seen anything quite like this before. I called over one of the grounds staff. Maybe he knows what this is. He took a look. No idea. Hmm. I got my camera and took pictures. Then he continued chipping and they fell on the ground, bright green larvae of something. I’m asking my entomology friend for ID.* There were about 10 in all, a couple short and fat and the rest long and skinny all curled up together. 

 

Who put that there? And who decided that a car door was a good place for it? How long was it going to be before these critters emerged? And how long had they been there anyway? I’ll never know the answer to all those questions, but when telling the story to some local friends they pulled out an insect book. Luckily there was a photo of a mason wasp cramming this exact same type of larva into its mud chamber, a paralyzed larva serving as food for its own offspring. So eventually what would’ve emerged was a wasp, not a moth, butterfly or other more benign type of creature. But for a while, my car had WORMS!

*They were identified as tomato horn worms.

A Two-Year Comparison

Originally distributed December 2010

Ok, I don’t usually make resolutions because shortly after making them I wouldn’t remember them anyway. But it is interesting to look back on the year and see what’s been accomplished. Now that I’ve been in Swaziland for two years, (hard to believe, I know!), I’d like to compare this year with last year.

Let’s start with transportation. I moved up dramatically in this department, especially since I was finally able to take control. Woo hoo! In January I purchased a 2^nd hand 4x4 and here’s the transportation record.

-number of times car broke down = 0

-number of times I had a flat tire = 0

-number of times I got stuck in the mud = 0

-number of times I had to push the vehicle = 0

I can’t even count the number of times each of these things happened last year! It was beyond ridiculous. So there’s clearly been a major improvement here.

How about housing? Last year I was living in a tent, sleeping on a cozy stack of mattresses, sometimes nestled in two cozy sleeping bags and most of the time everything was dry. Outside of the tent I was constantly shifting from dorm bed to dorm bed and roommate to roommate and losing track of the remaining belongings that had not been lost or stolen.

The first half of this year I lived in an immense house with my own huge bedroom, my own bathroom, wireless internet, a garage space to park my 4x4, maid service, a great roommate and cool neighbors, an unbeatable view of the landscape and a small yard. I only lost a rain jacket during this time and nothing was stolen.

The second half of this year I lived in my own compact and cozy “house” where everything was always within arm’s reach and I had no roommates but an interesting cast of characters as neighbors. My yard was enormous. I had to share the bathroom but cleaning service was included. The kitchen was also cleaned by a maid. There was a hot spring nearby open 24hrs a day free of charge. Security was included and the guards were always interesting to talk to. Miles of hiking trails and biking routes were there for leisurely adventure and discovery. A bunch of supplies were stolen at one point but the landlords replaced them, thankfully. I also lost my umbrella and handy little dish soap dispenser during this time. But I survived.

Work has changed dramatically as well, though I have almost as much free time this year as I did last year, which is not a good thing at the moment. Last year I was a quasi-volunteer Volunteer Coordinator doing wildlife research in Swaziland’s nature reserves. Definitely cool. This year I’m the director of a new company and I work with wild life of a different sort, private-school children. Also cool, in totally different ways. This year I have expansive freedom with my work, there just isn’t quite enough of it yet. Hopefully, through continued hard work, creativity and perseverance, company activities will increase. In the meantime, here comes the shameless plug….you can now support my activities by making a donation through the company website. It now has a link to PayPal for making donations, even with a credit card. Unfortunately, such donations are not yet tax-deductible, but they are immensely appreciated! So if you’d like to make a contribution you can go to www.singweecoservices.org and click on the “Donate!” link on the right-hand side. And if you don’t, I still love you J

I hope this year finds you fulfilling some of your life-long dreams.

Medicine For Your Windshield

Unabridged version originally distributed October 2010

I’m not creative enough to make these things up. I get my inspiration from other people. Did you know there was medicine for your windshield? Well there isn’t, but when I took my car to a repair shop in Manzini the guy was explaining the process of treating a crack in my windshield from a flying stone so that it wouldn’t spread. When he got to the part about injecting resin into the glass he was calling it medicine. Ok, if that’s how you see it. Just as long as it makes my windshield “all better,” use whatever medicine you want.

I haven’t just been pelted by rocks lately, it’s been a steady onslaught of things, mostly expenses – work permit fees, car title change fees... So when this rock hit my windshield it was just one more thing I really didn’t need.

During an otherwise uneventful drive on a tar road, the rock came flying at my windshield and left a nice starburst right in the middle. Awesome. And what am I going to do about that? Luckily a Swazi friend told me about a place in Manzini where I could get it fixed. But I’m not in Manzini all the time and I’ve had lots of things to do before I got to this little issue so the crack was starting to spread and then I was having nightmares about having a huge crack across the windshield and having to replace the whole thing. So I went to a place in Mbabane (the capital and about 35 miles from Manzini), because I was already there. They wanted to charge E220. Aaa! Are you kidding?! That’s about $35, which you might think is not a big deal, but it is for me at this stage. So I called my Swazi friend again. He allayed my fears that it wasn’t going to just crack all at once so I’d have time to check in Manzini. Sigh, ok.

So I spent the next week or two getting the title on my car changed and managed to negotiate the associated costs down from E800 to E100. Hurray! After that triumph, I went to Manzini and got the medicine put in my windshield for E150 instead of the E220 they wanted to charge in Mbabane. Whew! Another E70 saved.

Quick Highlights

Originally distributed August 2010

I’ve started a company called Singwe EcoServices (Singwe means Bushbaby in siSwati). I chose this name because I’m a bushbaby myself, after all, and since my services cater mainly to kids, the bushbaby is a very cute mascot/logo.

I’ve hired my first employee, a grade 11 nature camp assistant. Interviewing people can be almost as stressful as being interviewed. And then having to turn people down… agony.

The company offers:

-environmental education lessons to grades 4-7

-nature camps during term breaks for kids aged 9-12

-environmental consulting on development projects

-teacher workshops (once I’ve put them together),
-birthday and other “special day” nature activities

The last item was a parent’s idea. Her son couldn’t attend the camp but his b-day is coming and they’re having the b-day party at a nature reserve so she asked if I can come and do some activities with the kids. That’ll be interesting.

The term break nature camp is kicking off on Monday. I have 7 kids signed up so far and the max is 10, so not bad for a start! And who knows who’s going to show up at the gate on Monday morning wanting to participate.

Aside from starting the company, logo design, website, and everything else that entails, I also bought a caravan in June and have been living in it quite comfortably and happily since then. I now live in one of the nature reserves so I’m back in the bush. It’s the same reserve where I’m doing the nature camps next week, so I won’t have to go anywhere to go to work. Woo hoo!

Elaine vs The Volcano

Originally distributed June 2010

Image credit - http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRH4_yZKoXpTCiDqDypx6HGEGUrpO2INmbBvAe5RU7r9dSOYg3K&t=1

If you feel like you’re having a bad day, this just might make you feel good about it after all. This is the tale of my battle with the Iceland volcano to get to the US for a visit in April-May 2010.

I was originally booked to fly out of Johannesburg on Monday night, via Munich, Germany, and arrive in DC on Wednesday morning. But because of the ash plume from the Iceland volcano, airports in Germany and neighboring European countries had been closed for days. The situation was constantly being monitored and flights were being cancelled the day of, because, after all, you never know when the winds are going to change.

Sunday – I tried to reroute my flight with South African Airways but because my flight hadn't been cancelled yet they wouldn't let me. They told me to call back at noon on Monday.  The problem with that was I was driving to Jo’burg, which is about 5hrs from Swaziland and my original flight was scheduled to depart at 8:30PM on Monday. With the unknown flight departure time of the reroute how would I know if I’d have enough time to get to the airport before the flight would take off? (Sigh)

Monday morning – The airlines were getting impatient because they were losing money. On Sunday they sent up test flights to see if the planes would be damaged by the ash from the Iceland volcano. They came back saying, “Looks good!” So then they were hounding the government to lift restrictions. Here are a couple of my favorite quotes, “"it is clear that this is not sustainable. We cannot just wait until this ash cloud dissipates." And, “We are asking the authorities to really have a good look at the situation, because 100 percent safety does not exist.” So they want to put my life in danger to make money. Thanks.

Even if it were deemed “safe,” this wouldn’t help me because my flight route was from Jo’burg to Munich, which might be ok, and then Munich to the US, heading west through the ash plume, which was not ok. So that would mean I’d fly to Munich and get stuck there. Great!

Next option, I called SAA again Monday morning. I insisted that they reroute me. They said they can’t until they hear word at noon. But I could go through the company that booked my ticket, which was Orbitz online, or go to the airport in Jo’burg and try to make changes there.

I found a phone number for Orbitz and called via Skype, because it’s much cheaper to call through the computer than through a landline. They said I had to talk to Continental, the “validating airline.” So the nice guy transferred me to Continental.

Meanwhile, my Skype credit was already down to less than $2 before I called. I tried to add credit Sunday night but there was a problem and it wouldn’t let me. Most likely the credit card company was blocking my card.

I was on hold with Orbitz for at least 30min. Then I was on hold with Continental until I almost ran out of credit. I tried adding credit again Monday morning but had the same problem. Geez!!

Then I tried the landline but it’s about $1/min, I can’t afford that! So I tried again adding credit on Skype, this time paying through Paypal. It still wouldn’t accept my credit card. Must be the credit card company. So I called the credit card company, which does have a collect call # for calls from outside the US. After waiting on hold several minutes I got through to someone and we got disconnected. You’re kidding me!! So I tried again. This time I got through sooner, and got disconnected again. I tried several more times with the same result. What the hell is going on?!?!?!

Ok! Ok! So I’m not meant to fly on Monday. I get the message, but what about Tues or Wed or Thurs?

Aside from Continental’s phone line I also tried through their website. When I got to the page where you’re supposed to make flight changes I got this message, “Continental.com is unable to initiate your flight change request at this time. Please contact Continental Reservations at 1-800-525-0280 to make changes to this Itinerary.” Groan…

Meanwhile, my roommate had gone out for a hike and come back. She has Skype as well, with money in her account. She had offered Sunday night for me to use her account if necessary. So Monday morning, it was in fact still morning, I took her up on her offer. So I called the Continental toll free # and it turns out that when you call from Skype the call really is free! So I waited on hold again. Then, while still on hold with them I called South African Airways again and this time they entertained my request to reroute. I spoke to Gerard who was really nice but not so competent. After about 45 minutes he had found a flight for me through Buenos Aires, my suggestion, but he couldn’t complete the booking. He asked if he could call me back or if I could call him back so he wouldn’t keep me on hold. Fine. So we hung up.

About an hour later with no call back, I called again. Now keep in mind all this time I was still on hold with Continental in the US. Yes, still on hold! So I called SAA again and of course got a different person on the line. “Can I please be transferred to Gerard?” “I don’t know Gerard, but I’m sure I can help you.” “Thank you for the offer but I’ve spent about 45min on the phone with him and he was completing a change for me and I’d really just like to finish up with him so I don’t have to wait all over again.” “I’ll be fast. I’m sure I can help you.” “Fine.” So Boy did. Yes, his name is Boy. And he was fast. He made the routing change for me. His speed and ability showed just how incapable poor Gerard was.

Once I had changed my flight with Boy, he said to call back Tues morning just to confirm that the flight change had been made in the system. I then disconnected the call to Continental, having been on hold with them for 2 ½ hours without ever speaking to a person. So between the first call to Continental and the 2^nd I spent a total of 3.5hrs on hold and never got connected to anyone. Nice.

But the story doesn’t end there. It just keeps getting better. My newly rerouted flight was to depart from Jo’burg at 10AM on Wed, connect in Buenos Aires and get me into DC on Thurs morning. This meant I had to go to Jo’burg Tues and spend the night in order to get to the airport on time for my flight.

I’ve been planning to buy a caravan and live in it since late last year. You can only find new/used caravan dealers in SA. So I figured I’d make the most of my journey and stop at caravan dealers on the way to Jo’burg. But before I left I had to call the airlines one last time and reconfirm my flight change. The folks at SAA told me I’d have to contact the “validating” airline, Continental, and confirm with them. Really?! Well, you remember how far I got with them the day before. So before I left the house to drive off for Jo’burg, I sent an urgent email to my mom to please check that my flight had in fact been changed. Maybe she’d have better luck getting someone to answer the phone!

On the way to Jo’burg I stopped in a town called Ermelo, where they have a caravan place. It’s small and the guy said they didn’t have any 2^nd hands in stock, so he was trying to steer me toward a tiny new caravan instead, saying the larger models would  be “too big for” me. Oh boy. Mr Man, are you trying to decide for me? Not a good move on your part. Thank you, but you won’t be getting my business. Off I went to continue on my trek to Jo’burg.

But there was a slight problem. I was on the N17 and I needed to stay on the N17 heading west, but there were no signs pointing me in that direction. There was the N11 going north and south toward towns I didn’t know, and the N17 going back east, of course. But no N17 going west. Ok…

So I took the N11 due south. First I hit construction stops. In this neck of the woods when they’re doing highway renovations, on 2 lane roads, they close one lane for several km stretches at a time and allow for alternating 1-way traffic. You’re wait time can be up to 45min before your side gets a chance to go. So you pull up and park. And wait, and wait. I hit 3 of these. Joy. Because I had spent the morning making phone calls to the airlines and sending urgent emails, I didn’t leave the house until 12PM. And, because we were heading toward winter, the days were getting shorter and the sun was setting before 6PM. It’s a 5hr drive from Swaziland to SA. They say “Don’t drive in Jo’burg at night” and if you can help it, don’t drive in SA at night. Ok, will do, if I can help it. These construction stops weren’t helping at all.

Because I lost track of the N17 in Ermelo, I meandered north and south in a westerly direction blindly trying to make my way to Jo’burg. No, I didn’t have a map. Stupid, I know. Don’t remind me. I stopped in some small, one-stop-sign town to ask how the heck to get to Jo’burg from there and the guy told me go to this town, then go to that town, then head toward that town, then follow the signs to Jo’burg. Ok… Needless to say, it was dark when I was still at least an hour away. But as the sun set there were swarms of bugs, all of which smashed on my windshield. It sounded like a rainstorm, there were so many bugs pelting my windshield. That reduced my visibility nearly to nil. Then oncoming vehicles had their brights on so I was blinded and couldn’t see the signs through the smear on the glass. I think I was having fun at this point.

I had booked a bed in a hostel in Jo’burg and had written directions down coming from my intended direction. But was I coming from my intended direction now? No. Once I got into the vicinity of Jo’burg everything turned to highways, American style multi-lane divided highways. I followed the signs to Jo’burg until I started seeing signs for Pretoria. I could tell by the skyscrapers I was well into the city by the time I took an exit. Now what? The exit took me into dark, deserted, scary, downtown Jo’burg. Because of the crime rate people are allowed to run red lights at night, especially women. Ok, taking advantage of that loophole!! I was in an area where every intersection had a traffic light. I carried on straight until, by a miracle I saw a tiny green sign mounted on a pole with the route number that would go to my hostel, the R24, and an arrow pointing in the right direction. Halleluja! What luck!

By this time it was 7:30PM. I turned on the R24 and called the hostel to ask how to get there from where I was. The guy had no clue so he told me to stop at a gas station and ask for directions. Ok, stop my car in Jo’burg, at night… and get out of my car, in Jo’burg, at night, as a single woman. No, I’m not scared at all. Why should I be scared?

I quickly found a gas station and a lady customer there, at the gas station shop (yes, they have convenience stores at the gas stations, just like they do in the US) told me just keep going straight for several km. The road will change names but just stay straight. Ok!

So I followed her directions and all the way down the R24 it was like a city or suburban street with stop signs and intersections. After several km I started looking for my turn. I got to an intersection where I couldn’t see the name of the cross street. Of course, as the light turned green and I went through the intersection I saw that it was in fact my turn. No problem. When I get to the next intersection I’ll turn around. Except there was no next intersection. Right after that one it turned into a highway. I’m not kidding. My heart sank. So I drove on the R24 highway until it came to another highway. I exited onto that highway, except in the wrong direction. Instead of taking the exit that would cross over the R24 I took the opposite direction that went away from it. Then I had to exit off of that one. Luckily that was onto a street so I was able to cross over the highway and get back on it going back toward the R24. When I got to my R24 exit the ramp was blocked by concrete barriers. I’m not kidding. I wanted to shoot myself. So I carried on to the next exit.

By this time, after 8PM, in a haze of frustration and exhaustion, I ended up off the highway and knowing I was somewhere in the vicinity of the hostel. But otherwise, completely lost.

During this time, my mom called and said she spoke to Continental. They said I needed to cancel my flight and rebook. Are you kidding me?!! No way!! No way! A new ticket the day before a flight from Africa to the US will cost $4,000, at least!! I exploded. My poor mom. Thank God she knows how to handle me. She let me rant and rave and scream and curse without ever saying “Calm down,” “it’ll be ok” or any of those other nonsense phrases that she knows won’t make any difference to my temper. She managed to remain calm and sane while I exploded. I seriously wanted to tear my hair out at this point. I had been through so much and now I was lost in Jo’burg so I could fly home the next morning and Continental was telling me “You should’ve just stayed home because we’re not giving you your flight”? That’s why people go postal. So I told my mom to call them back and tell them “no way, they have to reroute my flight.”

Now a sobbing mess, I was pulled over in front of some restaurant. I went inside, not caring one iota that I looked like I had just seen a train wreck, and asked for directions. The waitress kindly ignored my state and pointed me in the right direction. Then I had to stop at a gas station to get further directions. Finally, at 9PM I arrived at the hostel. I had managed to pull myself together enough to get there, but once I was there I fell apart again. I couldn’t go inside. I stood on the balcony and cried. I was so exhausted and frustrated and frazzled that’s all I could do.

The hostel manager on duty, Lechelle, came outside and put her arm around me as if she had been my best friend for years. She offered me a cup of tea. It was the best cup of tea I’ve ever had. And it helped a lot. Once somewhat calm again I checked in and got settled. My mom called back at 10PM and explained that she had spoken to someone at Orbitz. That lady said they had my flight booked to Buenos Aires. And then? There is no “and then.” My mom said, “She’s not going to Buenos Aires. She’s coming home!” So after at least 1/2 hr on the phone with her, my mom got that straightened out and told me she finally had my flight fully rerouted through Buenos Aires to DC. Whew!

I went to bed that night and slept with the dead. I needed it. My flights got me through to DC without further incident, thank goodness! At least 1/3 of the people flying at that time were also battling the volcano and had horror stories of their own. I know my situation could’ve been worse and you’ll probably be surprised to hear that I am grateful for what it was. At least I was stuck at home.

Once on US soil, my mom confided that in the wee hours of the African morning, she got on the phone one last time with Continental, around 7PM east coast time, to confirm that my flight was changed. Little did I know, I slept like a baby. Thanks Mom!