I’m moving to Mars! I’m getting on the next space shuttle outta here, via Russia I guess. I’ll be back in mid-January after all the “ho, ho, ho” and “Oh my God! What am I going to get so-and-so for Christmas?” and “black Friday that now happens on Wednesday” and post-Christmas deep discount sales are over.
You’d think living in an impoverished, nearly unheard of nation in the southeast corner of Africa would mean that Christmas doesn’t bear down on us until oh, I don’t know, December? But no. Congratulations America! You have managed to influence even this tiny country to haul out the Christmas decorations in OCTOBER and play Christmas carols over the speakers of every store since at least NOVEMBER 10TH!
So I was thinking, “Where is a Christmas sufferer to go?” Not to a Muslim country. They pray over loud speakers EVERY DAY OF THE YEAR, morning, noon and night, plus. So that won’t do for someone seeking religious peace and quiet. Hmm, maybe a predominantly Buddhist country then. That’s an option. More of an option than boarding a space shuttle and launching into space until the Christmas season has passed…though that would be my first choice.
Maybe I should just start stocking up on water and non-perishable foodstuffs in September and just avoid all shops at all costs until mid-January. I’ll start my shopping list for next year now and get a head start on the 2012 Christmas onslaught. Enjoy the holidays everyone!
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